Be faithful to God, and you can get financial and physical rewards today. The appeal of this type of spirituality is undeniable. While most religious traditions are hemorrhaging adherents, prosperity churches many of which do not explicitly refer to themselves as such are thriving. Kate Bowler notes that over a million Americans and counting attend a prosperity church. Bowler knows how seductive the prosperity message can be. Joel Osteen. In it, he outlined seven principles that he says will make you happier.
He encourages people to find something each morning to be grateful for and to learn to ignore the small things that might otherwise trouble us. Ultimately, while the message is attractive, it lacks substance, and most of us already know that thankfulness and overcoming obstacles are advantageous. But Every Day a Friday sold millions of copies.
Perhaps we keep buying these books because advertisers promise that buying things will make us happier. So we buy things. What do we do? This desire for control has beneficial effects in their lives. They tend to be more assertive, decisive, and engage in active problem-solving. Such a direct approach tends to increase positive life experiences which, in turn, influences belief in control and degree of happiness.
Conversely, it has been found that an external locus of control, a belief that luck, not effort, is a primary factor in what occurs, has been shown to be detrimental to the achievement of happiness Lyubomirsky, Finally, researchers DeNeve and Cooper in their analysis of studies concluded that as important as personality variables are to happiness, health behaviors are of even greater importance.
Happier people take care of their physical and mental health needs. As such, they are more likely to exercise, eat nutritiously, and engage in relaxation of some sort. If they need medical care, they are more likely to follow through and take proper care of themselves.
One other point about health behaviors is that exercise and other health behaviors is a good example of how we need to be able to tolerate discomfort for the benefit we derive. People may not always get immediate reward from these behaviors but they persist due to the long-term benefits. This doesn't mean you can't try to find activity you enjoy or healthy foods you like —it just means that at times you may not enjoy it, but it is important to take care of your health anyway.
After reading about the intentional behaviors that contribute to happiness you may be feeling a little overwhelmed about what it takes to find happiness. However, keep in mind that you do not need to engage in all the above behaviors for happiness to find you. It is not even clear which are most important as some people find happiness in their sense of purpose in life whereas others might find happiness in their affiliation with others.
However, as I said earlier there is overlap among the categories so that people who are highly focused in one area probably have strong influences in other areas as well.
If you try to do that, it indicates that you don't understand the first concept of not overvaluing happiness: To find happiness you must not seek it! Try to make just small changes in your life at a time. The behaviors that influence happiness may vary from person to person. For instance, an extravert may find affiliation and group relationships as an appealing pursuit whereas an introvert might find a sense of purpose in quieter, more independent activities.
What is important is to recognize your strengths and what provides you with a sense of satisfaction rather than trying to fit a mold created by others. For example, I once had a client who had a passion for art but was pushed into the family business and spent her life doing office work.
When I asked her why she didn't pursue art, she said her family had convinced her that she could never make a living in that area. However, she always felt that something was missing from her life. As I stated previously, happiness is simple but it is not easy. To create the conditions for happiness, effort is required. This can be an obstacle for many people especially because they may not receive immediate reward for their efforts. As I see it, the need for immediate gratification is a major problem in our society because it tempts people to focus on short-term rewards rather than long-term gains which are often directly opposed to one another.
For example, it may be immediately rewarding to have a piece of chocolate cake, but the weight gain caused by focusing on the short-term reward prevents the long-term reward of being healthier. Or, it may be immediately rewarding to avoid the discomfort of facing a fear but by avoiding the discomfort in the short-term, more pain may be experienced in the long-term.
For example, a person who is afraid of failure may avoid developing goals where failure could occur, but in the long-term that person may also prevent success and end up leading a less fulfilling life.
Therefore, once you have identified intentional behaviors that are a fit for you, it may be necessary to identify how to incorporate these behaviors into your lifestyle. If you identify any obstacles to doing so, you need to develop a plan to overcome the obstacles so that you can engage routinely in the behaviors that will influence your overall happiness.
Unfortunately it is human nature to adapt or become accustomed to the impact of certain behaviors so that if something feels good the first time, it may not have the same intensity of feeling the second, or especially the hundredth, time. In other words, you want to develop habits that are not so routine that they lose their beneficial impact. How can this be done? I think there are probably many ways but one that I find particularly suitable for this is the development of a mindful attitude.
Mindfulness allows us to approach the same circumstances with the perspective of a fresh experience. For instance, you might see a certain tree every day on your morning walk. Without mindfulness you tend to become less and less aware of that tree. However, a mindful approach allows you to become more intimately aware of that tree in all its variations.
Not only would you notice the impact of different seasons on the tree, but you might notice how different weather conditions affect the tree such as a dry day or a humid day, or you might notice the micro-environment of the tree such as the insects and birds that live there. A mindful approach provides you with a new experience every day that you engage in the habit of your daily walk. Some of you reading this article may have realized by now that you are already happy. As I have described in other articles, that happened to me a number of years ago.
However, the problem is that happiness doesn't come with fireworks and a parade. Instead, it sneaks in quietly as the night so that you don't realize it has been there for awhile. And, of course, stability isn't nearly so spectacular as instability.
And being contented has none of the glamour of a good fight against misfortune, none of the picturesqueness of a struggle with temptation, or a fatal overthrow by passion or doubt. Happiness is never grand. We often expect happiness to be similar to the artificial means used to create the illusion of happiness: power, alcohol, drugs, prestige, winning. All these can be quite intense experiences. But true happiness, when it finds you, just sits quietly on your shoulder. Berg, Michael B.
Perceiving value in obligations and goals: Wanting to do what should be done. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 27 , DeNeve, K. The happy personality: A meta-analysis of personality traits and subjective well-being. Psychological Bulletin, , Ford, B. When getting angry is smart: Emotional preferences and emotional intelligence. Emotion, 12 , Lyubomirsky, S.
Why are some people happier than others? The role of cognitive and motivational processes in well-being. American Psychologist, 56 , Pursuing happiness: The architecture of sustainable change. Review of General Psychology, 9 , Some people feel happy spending time with their family, others feel it while engaging in a hobby, passion or fun activity, while helping others or simply by being grateful in the moment, etc. It is difficult to know when you have achieved or experienced something if you never put in place a way of knowing when you have it.
It is also difficult to find something that you are vague about. Your brain is made to look for specifics — it needs detail so it knows what to focus on so that you can obtain it.
Many people wait to be happy. The goal posts are never defined so it is hard to experience or achieve as explained above.
The good news is that you can feel happy now! Because our memories have emotions attached to them, you can feel happiness any time you think of a past happy memory. So there is no need to wait to feel happy because you can feel that emotion right now if you wish. If you have ever felt happy before at any time in your past e.
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