After a breakup is it possible to be friends

Write to Jamie Ducharme at jamie. Here's What Experts Say. By Jamie Ducharme. Each product we feature has been independently selected and reviewed by our editorial team.

If you make a purchase using the links included, we may earn commission. Related Stories. America Needs to Get Back to Facts. Already a print subscriber? Go here to link your subscription. Need help? Is there a way to turn all your former lovers into future besties? What about someone you just broke things off with. Can you make them your friend right away? To help answer these questions, I reached out to relationship experts to learn whether or not it's possible to go right from dating into a friendship, and, if so, how.

Here's what they had to say. First thing's first: The experts agree that being friends with a former flame is achievable, but only in specific cases. This is because they are capable of understanding each other, and they know exactly what went wrong in the relationship. However, Schweyer adds that this situation is not very common. This is not because they are cowards or whatnot. How do you know whether or not your situation is conducive to rekindling a friendship? The only way to know for sure, psychologist and relationship expert, Dr.

Her general recommendation is to wait at least six months before thinking about a friendship, though the amount of time may vary depending on the couple, the seriousness of the prior relationship and how it ended. Even after the most amicable breakup, everyone needs time to work through the split and all their feelings. Some people may stay friends with all of their old flames , and that can be a great thing for them.

Note that in some cases, particularly if the relationship was abusive or otherwise toxic , trying to be friends could be damaging or even dangerous. We asked therapists to share the signs that you should probably hold off for now. You need to give yourself ample time and space to mourn the end of the relationship. That means letting yourself feel your emotions — sadness, frustration, rejection, resentment or some combination thereof — rather than bottling them up.

A good test, deVos said, is to imagine sitting with your ex at a coffee shop and seeing a notification pop up on their phone that says they have a new match on a dating app. Think about how that would make you feel: Would you be indifferent?

Maybe irate? Honestly ask yourself why you want to be friends with your ex.